![]() ![]() Little did I know the path I was about to walk would be the most difficult but lead me to a place of inner peace. When I spoke the words, “I refuse to live like this,” I was making a confession that led me to a truth I didn’t see before – true freedom comes from confession.Įven though it took me a long time to understand this transforming truth, it began a journey of change within me. I didn’t realize that nothing will change unless we have the courage to talk about the things that matter. I could not bring myself to speak of any of it. I didn’t have the courage and besides, how do you talk about things in your past? Things like grief, abuse, abandonment, disappointment, and anger. It was too painful to talk about, so I didn’t. I complained or kept myself busy so that I wouldn’t have to think or talk about any of it. I had no clue that I was the only one I could change, and it was not within my power to change anyone else. I wasted so much time wishing, praying and manipulating in hopes of changing others. After all, changing ME was not an option. I felt sick and tired because I put all my energy into wishing someone or something else would change. It was about my internal struggle with trauma, pain, and disappointment that I had never acknowledged. I didn’t realize my turmoil wasn’t about my husband, my daughters, my business, or my community. ![]() I also thought it was spiritual to forget the past and move on, but I couldn’t forget, and I certainly wasn’t making progress moving forward. But how do you start over and turn your back on the ones you love? I couldn’t bear the thought of being without my family. I thought relief would come by leaving my life behind and starting over. I felt like a victim and believed I had no choice but to stay in this place of constant confusion and chaos. I said it with heartfelt conviction even though I had no way of knowing how to change anything! The person was telling me about their problems, and it took me right back to a moment from my past when I too felt sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.ĭuring that season of life, I remember telling Jonas, “I refuse to live like this for the rest of my life.” I was having a conversation with someone on the phone recently.
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